| Making money and corrupting the morals of a minor | | | | only to put a positive spin on the product. |
| at the same time is not my idea of ethical advertising. | | | | When a medication is helpful, does that mean one |
| Recently a television ad depicted a small boy breaking | | | | per cent of the time or ninety percent of the time? |
| a window so the owner's wife could upgrade to their | | | | How often is sometimes and bigger than what? |
| own style of window. There were several messages | | | | Products touted as 'amazing' or 'fantastic' get your |
| inherent in this ad that bother me. | | | | adrenaline going, but don't let it get to your wallet. |
| First, it says that it is O.K. to destroy other people's | | | | Personal recommendations are purely anecdotal and |
| property if the owner gets someone else to do it. | | | | have nothing to do with a comparative blind study. |
| It's like arson, but without the fire. Then, if you lie to | | | | Adjectives like 'incomparable', 'incredible' and |
| the insurance company (and your husband) and say it | | | | 'unbelievable' often mean exactly what they say. Skin |
| was an accident, you can use the money to buy a | | | | products are rampant with false claims and mythical |
| new window. | | | | properties. In science class, we learned that the |
| Of course, since the damage will be over a thousand | | | | human skin is practically impervious to anything you |
| dollars, the crime is now a felony. Felons can't hold | | | | put on it except for some acids or strong alkali. A |
| government jobs and are marked for life. Oh, yeah, | | | | simple softening hand lotion is all you'll ever need and |
| insurance fraud is a crime, too. But who would fall for | | | | then only in unusual circumstances. Hair shampoo is |
| such an idea? You'd have to find a little kid, give him | | | | another catch-all for superlatives. A bar of hand soap |
| money and get him to promise not to tell who paid | | | | in soft water will wash your hair fifty times for |
| him and why. All eight year old children have to face | | | | eighty cents and do a great job. |
| life's decisions sometime, don't they? | | | | I once ordered three 'Multi-fruit trees' from a |
| Now, some ad executive decided to put these ideas | | | | magazine ad. The picture showed apples , pears, |
| on the tube so that millions of people see it, including | | | | cherries and peaches growing from the same tree! I |
| a lot of kids. So what if the cost of insurance goes | | | | paid my $5.95 and received three dried out sticks |
| up, the cost of the TV ad is tacked on to the price | | | | wrapped in spaghum moss. Not even Darwin himself |
| of the product and everybody makes a profit? | | | | could resurrect these specimens. Other similar items |
| That's a good thing, isn't it? | | | | found their place in the attic, like FM transmitters |
| Did you ever buy something advertised on TV or in a | | | | (Fool your friends with your voice on the radio!), |
| magazine and was disappointed with the quality or | | | | instant breast enhancers, fifteen watt bulbs that last |
| the performance of the product? While it is | | | | forever, and an all-purpose stain remover that |
| impossible to change the way some companies | | | | supposedly helps remove (almost) any stain. So don't |
| advertise their products, here are a few clues that | | | | be taken in by the seemingly wonderful qualities of |
| will warn you away from being cheated. | | | | 'bargain' products. Rely on scientific studies, consumer |
| Over-the-counter medications are prime examples of | | | | reports and trial and error. If that doesn't work, ask |
| the old carnival pitch. If words like 'sometimes', | | | | your mother. |
| helpful', bigger', or 'more effective are used, then you | | | | Great age allows for making a lot of mistakes. I hope |
| know that without a comparative study and the | | | | I learned from some of them. |
| percentages to go with them, these modifiers serve | | | | |